I know what it feels like to come down with a serious case of inadequacy.
I had stuff to do — as usual. I was going to finish this stuff tonight, but then, my plans were disrupted. We had somewhere to drive tonight for three hours, and tomorrow, we were driving back. This was to take place smack dab in the middle of my time to get stuff done.
So I did what any normal guy would do. I flipped out. I have always considered myself someone who doesn’t flip out at this kind of thing, which is of course, mostly fan-fiction (and I am my own biggest fan).
And I felt bad about it, because I’m not entirely insensitive. And then the person we were driving to meet canceled on us (when we were halfway there, of course), so now I’m angry again.
Which I feel bad for. Of course. But for whatever deluded reason, I tell myself that I can’t start working on this sin issue until I fix my other “more urgent and severe” sin issues. There’s so many bad things I do. Some of them have worse, or more apparent, consequences than others. It can be discouraging sometimes. Actually, lots of times. Really, all the time.
It’s at times like these, when you come down with a case of inadequacy, that you realize how much you need grace.
The desirable trajectory for a Christian’s understanding is that he will become increasingly aware of his own inadequacy, and also increasingly aware of God’s righteousness. In this way, the gap between us and God becomes evermore apparent. And even in my worse moments, I suppose I’m only seeing an insignificant fraction of that gap. (It’s not that the gap increases, it’s that my awareness of it increases)
Good thing I don’t have to bridge it. In fact, my inadequacy is completely covered and I am counted as righteous. Literally, God “see’s no stain upon me…” Which is good, because I have plenty of ’em.
Now that’s grace.